Heartbreak Hotel: Lunchroom Edition

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I was volunteering at the high school yesterday for my teaching stuff and got to walk in on the last of lunch time with my daughter who has Autism. She was sitting alone. Most of her life skills classmates were standing along a nearby wall hanging out and talking, but she wasn't. She was just sitting there--alone--people-watching. Part of this situation can be attributed to the fact that she doesn't know how to insert herself into conversations/groups. She always waits for an invitation. The other part is something I just don't know how to discuss without stepping on people's feelings; however, her solitary existence struck my heart as I approached the table, and I must say something.  

I was not prepared for the feelings that overcame me. Questions and tears. Disappointment. Wishing for so much more for this precious child of mine. I don't understand why no one would want to sit with her. She is sweet and kind. To be more specific, she truly knows no guile--only purely honest simplicity of heart and being.  She can't talk much but if you just sit by her she'll tell you how pretty or cool your shirt is, give you a mini back rub, and work so hard to say something--anything. Why wouldn't someone who knows her from classes or church think to befriend her? Why wouldn't those individuals have an empathetic response? Would they like being alone at lunch time?

I think it begins at home. Why don't more people talk to their children about inclusion of those with disabilities? Do they not see my daughter and others like her as children of God too? Why is it so difficult when it really could be simple? She is simple. She doesn't ask for anything whatsoever. All that would be required is whatever they would give.

A lot of what I have heard is that people feel uncomfortable because they don't know what to say to someone who can't respond typically or that they are afraid of the autistic behaviors--such as personal space boundaries, etc. Let's be honest: sometimes it is awkward; sometimes it is weird. But who cares? EVERYONE has done awkward, strange things within their lifetime. It's just all piled together for years on end with Autism. All that really needs to happen is for people to recognize a disabled person's humanity and compassion and empathy would come. I just know it.

And you know what else? It really doesn't take that much effort to bring your group of friends over to sit with someone who doesn't comprehend much of what you're saying, laughs at all your jokes (even if they aren't very funny), and, to top it all off, you never have any risk of them gossiping about you behind your back because she doesn't know how. I would say that's a steal of a friend. A real bargain. A treasure beyond price.

This mother's heart cannot comprehend this at all.

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