I feel like a mess right now. I wish I had happier things to write about. I wish I could see myself making it out of this sad place, but I don't.
I've been thinking about things, marriage things, and I am wondering something. Are there men out there who actually want to and will do the work to be a team player with equity and care? Will he be attractive to me? Will I be attractive to him? Will the person who is willing to be on my team also desire to live a covenant-keeping lifestyle?
There are innumerable jokes about how selfish and insensitive guys are and how men and women don't understand one another; however, there are innumerable love stories to partake of in which people figure it out. They take care of each other. They sacrifice willingly to give what the other needs. They live godly lives with love and respect and fidelity. Love stories are found in movies and books as well as real life ones.
The only problem with all my thought process is that I am a third-party observer with a failed marriage. Are my expectations too high? I don't think they are and can't imagine lowering them again, but will that mean I never have someone who really wants to do what it takes to be together for the long haul of eternity?
I believe I could drive myself into the ground worrying on these issues.
What I know for certain is I have so many more questions, so many more words I want to say but it is not socially acceptable to talk to everyone about everything. I realize this is just a whole lot of self pity and ragging and whining, but this is my purple niche and I guess I will mar it with this black sadness once again.
I can hardly stand writing these words, although this deeply solitary feeling urges me to keep on reaching out.
Most sincerely,
Me
Source: twowritingteachers.wordpress.com via The Purple on Pinterest
Hiç yorum yok:
Yorum Gönder